Friday, July 17, 2009

My bio from 2005..I thought it would be interesting to post..I still have the same outlook....


Wow, this is a good one..I have been described as a unique person, I hope that is good! I love people and I love meeting different people. The mind is a beautiful thing, it’s unfortunate that we as humans can take that beauty and portray a monstrous soul. I am a very caring person with a big heart, although I put on a tough fight I eventually let in the inevitable. Life is such a journey and I have made so many choices that for some reason seem to be the most challenging. I always take the road less traveled and for that I have lived, learned and loved. I am a strong woman for making my own way, there is no set path. I smile as much as I can even when I have to force myself, it could always be worse. I am very fortunate to have such a wonderful family and friends. I have thought many times that I have fallen in “love”, but I seem to be at that crossroad intersection “choices & regret”. Regret is not an option for me, so I go with choices. I truly believe that there is someone out there somewhere that will take me by the hand and show me what true love is. With that said, I have learned what it’s like to be loved, and although deranged love, I have learned and felt the pain of letting someone go. I have not figured out why the men I have devoted my life to either do not realize what they had until I was gone, or it was the right one, wrong time. I have come to a realization that life is going to happen; it’s all about your choices and how you deal with the outcome of what you choose. You only get one shot at this “life”, so the attitude of living each day like tomorrow is my last seems to be a healthy perspective. I try and not take anyone or thing for granted, even when it seems so callus to make the right decision. I think of how it would make me feel as if I were the person being affected by the decisions I make, and that is a very influential on my choices, even when I despise the other person. It is hard to put yourself in someone else’s shoes, even if you think they are the most repulsive pair of shoes. Not a soul is perfect. Living in a dream bubble waiting for life to smack you in the face with gold and happiness is pure taught ignorance. Maybe I am dreaming, but faith was instilled in my mind at a very young age. I was taught to believe in the good of people even though good has a detestable, obverse twin called Evil.. I was taught to chase your dreams while you are awake on your own two feet. Your hard sweat and pain of reality makes you strong and gets you where you belong, question is, how much sweat and pain it takes to find “home”. Always, always remember when everyone else fails you, don’t fail yourself. There is no use crying over spilled perfume, you are where you are because of where you have been. You don’t like your present place, suck it up and make a change for yourself that is if happiness is the goal you are trying to achieve in this game called life. What no one knows, my feelings and my thoughts……I am strong, but in some ways weak. I love easily and I am hurt often. I trust everyone but I am skeptical at all times. I believe anything is possible but I am not surprised when I find it false. I want..to take on the world. To be love. To be accepted for me. To be perfect, to succeed. I can’t…handle everything on my own, even when I say I don’t need help, find someone honest and true to me, please everyone at once…Change my human nature, bare to fail. I….dance to my own beat, laugh often, cry seldom,…love myself, hate myself…contradict myself…understand…my wants, my needs, my feelings, my dislikes, my likes. I am myself ….for no one other than me…different…because it is more fun than being uniform….imperfect….and there is beauty in imperfection…beautiful because of my confidence, confident ..in all aspects. Not ashamed of myself…hateful..at times, as many people are. I am a girl, trying to find herself and her way through life, one small step, one lesson, one journey at a time, never conforming nor pleasing everyone, not always happy, not always sure, but always hopeful of what I will find tomorrow, accepting what I have today as a privilege, my prerogative….I am me.

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

I may need to up my dosage of Xanax really soon...


Does anyone know where I can buy douche bag repellent? Should I just rub on deer urine? Would that keep away the people I seem to attract without fail? I need to seriously take my own advice and do a restructure of my life...I am built a certain way that I am grateful for, but on the other hand, I need to bring out my inner bitch and straighten out the bent situations in life. I go out of my way to avoid such stressful situations (for example I am pro-single) and somehow I find myself in a vicious circle of what most would call a relationship gone bad..I ponder the past and have the "what the eff just happened?!?" look on my face...in complete disarray..and wonder how I am having relationship issues with people I didn't have a relationship with. I know that respect is something that is demanded, and you market your own product for sell...but come on, I would at least like to see one person a day that has the values and morals that I was raised to desire and not only want, but give to others.


Does that categorize me as a carefree woman because I am independent and I do not need a partner to feel complete? No. Does that give anyone the "right" to not take my feelings, my true character into consideration? Hell NO.


I don't go on many rants, but I am tired today thanks to a few impediments in life..but hopefully after the past 24 hours, falling over the past will not be an issue...


Then there is this little pain in my ass..in all of my life, I have been called unique, weird, intriguing...whatever..but I was having a conversation so to speak with a guy, and he calls me "cliche"..pronounced it "cl-ish-a"...so I guess it should not bother me but it does. How you really don't know me dude...I know I don't have to post the definition of cliche because I am surrounded by intelligence in person, in cyber space..but here you go just in case you need some entertainment...cliche....how dare you bucko!


Cliche - noun - a trite, stereotyped expression; a sentence or phrase, usually expressing a popular or common thought or idea, that has lost originality, ingenuity, and impact by long overuse.


All in all, I am in a fantastic mood although the rant I am on is pretty profound...and I am sure it's all a bit "cliche"...ahh that effing pisses me off!


Guess who I get to see tonight? RITA DAMN EDINGTON PETTY! YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Suck it Bonnie!


I am not sure how to start this blog with a title like this, but I will try...........


We had a great vaca down at the River...so many pictures, so many camera's not accounted for..yikes...at least I was not the craziest one on the trip *cough *cough April*...Something about floating on water and drinking all day that just makes you feel like you are on top of the world...and a bunch of bacteria....Wendy & Rita both had a cake made for me for my 30th celebration..Elizabeth Cakes, SHOUT OUT! I was so excited when I saw the little tastes of Heaven! To my surpirse, they were not in the shape of boobs...WOW! Many thanks to all the people who were on the trip...I was included just like I was part of the group, and I apologize guys..but I don't go away easy!


Back to Bonnie.....while at the pool this weekend..I finally realized that I am now part of the older crowd...and sometime the cougars win regardless...Now I have taught my friends that if she is way too hot..she is probably stupid..and we are smart effing girls..and that worked until this weekend...I wish I could find something wrong with the twat swatting *props to LJ* Bonnie biotch, but I can't...the woman was pretty, built like she was married to Dr. 90210 and was actually smart... I actually asked her if she was a puker..such class I have.....I will leave names out of this but my friend *Jezzelbellea and I decided that B must be sporting a meat cleaver down below..that has to be her fault..LMAO Why in the world do women find something wrong with other women, when it's the actual guy that is doing the selection of first choice? We are truly designed different than men....Who do I contact to get this flaw corrected?



Anyway, I am going to think some shit through and get back to blogging on a daily basis..My A.D.D. is in overdrive right now and things are making sense...which completely throws me off...clarity is not always a good thing.


**Actual names not used

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Can you get credit for doing hail Mary's in advance? I wonder if I can take a full day, and just bank in on some good ole forgiveness...LOL, wait a damn minute, I am not Catholic....

I started off today with a fairly decent attitude..actually spent time curling my hair the old fashion way....and I guess I didn't get the memo about the rain... I love an Afro..obviously.

Oh and a big congrats goes out to someone I know who I will leave anonymous...you did it buddy..Nothing wrong with morals and the faith you had for what you originally believed in..You are a true hero and it gives hope to us out there who seem to be lost in the single fishbowl..

To someone else out there that will not read this, ever...WTF dude? Seriously?!?

To my roommate, I love you LUNDEE and putting up with me is a daily task...I realize this, and I appreciate you more than you know...

Monday, June 1, 2009

EWWWW Baby - Baby it's a Wild World....

What a great weekend out of Texas, for a day at least.

You know you are a real music fan if you are able to stand in the center of over processed college kids, drunk douchebag guys (I swear half the crowd was on ecstasy) sipping on a perfume tasting drink..and still manage to dance to the beat of some good ole Texas country music....I think I am going to learn to play the fiddle, it sure looks like fun..and to the guy with brusies on his arm, I am not sorry...and for the dumb blonde I scared half to death, your welcome...that I didn't punch you in the eye..sometime a "fuck off" isn't so bad sista', it could have been worse...Good grief Lindy, what do you think I would have done if she had actually knocked you or Cin down?

Thanks to the "indy" sisters for such a good time...we made it back alive (thanks for trusting me with your wife, Bryce..told you I wouldn't break her!) and without going to jail...Doesn't that kind of say something about life, when you are thankful you make it home alive or at all? GEEZ!

Eleven days to go until the big three-ohhhhhh...and I am excited for the future and I am more than happy to leave my 20's behind...What a decade of learning lessons and clarity...I think the t-shirt, been there - done that applies...it's good, it's bad, and it has lead me to where I am now. It's that mixture of experience of good and bad that grounds you..I am humble.

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Milli Vanilli and Boob Jobs................

Ok, here is the deal....I know I am breaking blog rules by not doing a daily post, but it seems lately that the only thing interesting that has happened in my life...has been drama..yes, the dreaded word, I said it.

I was on my way to work this morning and was listening to a mixed "tape" or cd and a compiliation of Milli Vanilli came on..."Blame it on the Rain.." ohh yea, I was jamming out, windows down and all..getting dirty looks from the cars next to me...and I started thinking..Poor Milli Vanilli was so freaking cool until it came out that their music was, um.."fake"...No butthole...it was not fake, someone actually sang the song....Mr. Milli and his brotha Vanilli were the reflection of the artist..so what they lied...and that brings me to the whole boob job discussion that I seem to have on a daily basis...are those yours?...are they real?....how much did that cost ya?....COME ON PEOPLE GIVE ME A FREAKING BREAK...If they EXIST, they are real....I still love Milli Vanilli, and no I am not going to show you.

Yes, I realize that this is a bizarre post, but seriously..

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Hey you with that big ass sledge hammer, can you stop that?!

I am on a roll today..

I am sitting at my office desk enjoying the view of the beautiful day..through a window....and from out of the blue, I hear the most obnoxious noise from the office suite beside mine...

Now, I know because of the lease/contract we have with this craptastic building owner that construction or whatever is to be done AFTER business hours..I close my eyes and count to about 55...and take a big sigh..and then the sound of a sledge hammer and drill begin...I will have to admit that I glanced over at my xanax bottle for a second and then said, "F-U Bucko" and I marched my heels over to the suite to see what in the hell is going on over there...

I walk in the door to find two long, blonde hair Fabiou impersonators working away... First of all, stop looking at me like you just took my clothes off, ass..I ask, "What exactly is going on over here and how long is this going to continue.." Faubio #1 puts his hand on the wall like he is about to smooze me and says, "The rest of the day, BABY." Not a good time, Faub, to be hitting on me...I said, that is fine, I will pack my shit up and work from the house...Faub #2 says, "Do what makes you feel good, BABY". Are you freaking kidding me?!?

Obviously I called building management and told them that the Faubio Perverts need to calm the hell down...to only be told that the douchebags are the building owners brother....great...I hope she wasn't offended at what I had to say before I knew this important information...whoops..ah who cares, it's in the contract regardless whose brother you are...SHUT THE HELL UP OVER THERE~