Wow, this is a good one..I have been described as a unique person, I hope that is good! I love people and I love meeting different people. The mind is a beautiful thing, it’s unfortunate that we as humans can take that beauty and portray a monstrous soul. I am a very caring person with a big heart, although I put on a tough fight I eventually let in the inevitable. Life is such a journey and I have made so many choices that for some reason seem to be the most challenging. I always take the road less traveled and for that I have lived, learned and loved. I am a strong woman for making my own way, there is no set path. I smile as much as I can even when I have to force myself, it could always be worse. I am very fortunate to have such a wonderful family and friends. I have thought many times that I have fallen in “love”, but I seem to be at that crossroad intersection “choices & regret”. Regret is not an option for me, so I go with choices. I truly believe that there is someone out there somewhere that will take me by the hand and show me what true love is. With that said, I have learned what it’s like to be loved, and although deranged love, I have learned and felt the pain of letting someone go. I have not figured out why the men I have devoted my life to either do not realize what they had until I was gone, or it was the right one, wrong time. I have come to a realization that life is going to happen; it’s all about your choices and how you deal with the outcome of what you choose. You only get one shot at this “life”, so the attitude of living each day like tomorrow is my last seems to be a healthy perspective. I try and not take anyone or thing for granted, even when it seems so callus to make the right decision. I think of how it would make me feel as if I were the person being affected by the decisions I make, and that is a very influential on my choices, even when I despise the other person. It is hard to put yourself in someone else’s shoes, even if you think they are the most repulsive pair of shoes. Not a soul is perfect. Living in a dream bubble waiting for life to smack you in the face with gold and happiness is pure taught ignorance. Maybe I am dreaming, but faith was instilled in my mind at a very young age. I was taught to believe in the good of people even though good has a detestable, obverse twin called Evil.. I was taught to chase your dreams while you are awake on your own two feet. Your hard sweat and pain of reality makes you strong and gets you where you belong, question is, how much sweat and pain it takes to find “home”. Always, always remember when everyone else fails you, don’t fail yourself. There is no use crying over spilled perfume, you are where you are because of where you have been. You don’t like your present place, suck it up and make a change for yourself that is if happiness is the goal you are trying to achieve in this game called life. What no one knows, my feelings and my thoughts……I am strong, but in some ways weak. I love easily and I am hurt often. I trust everyone but I am skeptical at all times. I believe anything is possible but I am not surprised when I find it false. I want..to take on the world. To be love. To be accepted for me. To be perfect, to succeed. I can’t…handle everything on my own, even when I say I don’t need help, find someone honest and true to me, please everyone at once…Change my human nature, bare to fail. I….dance to my own beat, laugh often, cry seldom,…love myself, hate myself…contradict myself…understand…my wants, my needs, my feelings, my dislikes, my likes. I am myself ….for no one other than me…different…because it is more fun than being uniform….imperfect….and there is beauty in imperfection…beautiful because of my confidence, confident ..in all aspects. Not ashamed of myself…hateful..at times, as many people are. I am a girl, trying to find herself and her way through life, one small step, one lesson, one journey at a time, never conforming nor pleasing everyone, not always happy, not always sure, but always hopeful of what I will find tomorrow, accepting what I have today as a privilege, my prerogative….I am me.
