My bio from 2005..I thought it would be interesting to post..I still have the same outlook....

Wow, this is a good one..I have been described as a unique person, I hope that is good! I love people and I love meeting different people. The mind is a beautiful thing, it’s unfortunate that we as humans can take that beauty and portray a monstrous soul. I am a very caring person with a big heart, although I put on a tough fight I eventually let in the inevitable. Life is such a journey and I have made so many choices that for some reason seem to be the most challenging. I always take the road less traveled and for that I have lived, learned and loved. I am a strong woman for making my own way, there is no set path. I smile as much as I can even when I have to force myself, it could always be worse. I am very fortunate to have such a wonderful family and friends. I have thought many times that I have fallen in “love”, but I seem to be at that crossroad intersection “choices & regret”. Regret is not an option for me, so I go with choices. I truly believe that there is someone out there somewhere that will take me by the hand and show me what true love is. With that said, I have learned what it’s like to be loved, and although deranged love, I have learned and felt the pain of letting someone go. I have not figured out why the men I have devoted my life to either do not realize what they had until I was gone, or it was the right one, wrong time. I have come to a realization that life is going to happen; it’s all about your choices and how you deal with the outcome of what you choose. You only get one shot at this “life”, so the attitude of living each day like tomorrow is my last seems to be a healthy perspective. I try and not take anyone or thing for granted, even when it seems so callus to make the right decision. I think of how it would make me feel as if I were the person being affected by the decisions I make, and that is a very influential on my choices, even when I despise the other person. It is hard to put yourself in someone else’s shoes, even if you think they are the most repulsive pair of shoes. Not a soul is perfect. Living in a dream bubble waiting for life to smack you in the face with gold and happiness is pure taught ignorance. Maybe I am dreaming, but faith was instilled in my mind at a very young age. I was taught to believe in the good of people even though good has a detestable, obverse twin called Evil.. I was taught to chase your dreams while you are awake on your own two feet. Your hard sweat and pain of reality makes you strong and gets you where you belong, question is, how much sweat and pain it takes to find “home”. Always, always remember when everyone else fails you, don’t fail yourself. There is no use crying over spilled perfume, you are where you are because of where you have been. You don’t like your present place, suck it up and make a change for yourself that is if happiness is the goal you are trying to achieve in this game called life. What no one knows, my feelings and my thoughts……I am strong, but in some ways weak. I love easily and I am hurt often. I trust everyone but I am skeptical at all times. I believe anything is possible but I am not surprised when I find it false. I want..to take on the world. To be love. To be accepted for me. To be perfect, to succeed. I can’t…handle everything on my own, even when I say I don’t need help, find someone honest and true to me, please everyone at once…Change my human nature, bare to fail. I….dance to my own beat, laugh often, cry seldom,…love myself, hate myself…contradict myself…understand…my wants, my needs, my feelings, my dislikes, my likes. I am myself ….for no one other than me…different…because it is more fun than being uniform….imperfect….and there is beauty in imperfection…beautiful because of my confidence, confident ..in all aspects. Not ashamed of myself…hateful..at times, as many people are. I am a girl, trying to find herself and her way through life, one small step, one lesson, one journey at a time, never conforming nor pleasing everyone, not always happy, not always sure, but always hopeful of what I will find tomorrow, accepting what I have today as a privilege, my prerogative….I am me.

I may need to up my dosage of Xanax really soon...

Does anyone know where I can buy douche bag repellent? Should I just rub on deer urine? Would that keep away the people I seem to attract without fail? I need to seriously take my own advice and do a restructure of my life...I am built a certain way that I am grateful for, but on the other hand, I need to bring out my inner bitch and straighten out the bent situations in life. I go out of my way to avoid such stressful situations (for example I am pro-single) and somehow I find myself in a vicious circle of what most would call a relationship gone bad..I ponder the past and have the "what the eff just happened?!?" look on my face...in complete disarray..and wonder how I am having relationship issues with people I didn't have a relationship with. I know that respect is something that is demanded, and you market your own product for sell...but come on, I would at least like to see one person a day that has the values and morals that I was raised to desire and not only want, but give to others.

Does that categorize me as a carefree woman because I am independent and I do not need a partner to feel complete? No. Does that give anyone the "right" to not take my feelings, my true character into consideration? Hell NO.

I don't go on many rants, but I am tired today thanks to a few impediments in life..but hopefully after the past 24 hours, falling over the past will not be an issue...

Then there is this little pain in my ass..in all of my life, I have been called unique, weird, intriguing...whatever..but I was having a conversation so to speak with a guy, and he calls me "cliche"..pronounced it "cl-ish-a"...so I guess it should not bother me but it does. How you really don't know me dude...I know I don't have to post the definition of cliche because I am surrounded by intelligence in person, in cyber space..but here you go just in case you need some entertainment...cliche....how dare you bucko!

Cliche - noun - a trite, stereotyped expression; a sentence or phrase, usually expressing a popular or common thought or idea, that has lost originality, ingenuity, and impact by long overuse.

All in all, I am in a fantastic mood although the rant I am on is pretty profound...and I am sure it's all a bit "cliche"...ahh that effing pisses me off!

Guess who I get to see tonight? RITA DAMN EDINGTON PETTY! YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Suck it Bonnie!

I am not sure how to start this blog with a title like this, but I will try...........

We had a great vaca down at the River...so many pictures, so many camera's not accounted for..yikes...at least I was not the craziest one on the trip *cough *cough April*...Something about floating on water and drinking all day that just makes you feel like you are on top of the world...and a bunch of bacteria....Wendy & Rita both had a cake made for me for my 30th celebration..Elizabeth Cakes, SHOUT OUT! I was so excited when I saw the little tastes of Heaven! To my surpirse, they were not in the shape of boobs...WOW! Many thanks to all the people who were on the trip...I was included just like I was part of the group, and I apologize guys..but I don't go away easy!

Back to Bonnie.....while at the pool this weekend..I finally realized that I am now part of the older crowd...and sometime the cougars win regardless...Now I have taught my friends that if she is way too hot..she is probably stupid..and we are smart effing girls..and that worked until this weekend...I wish I could find something wrong with the twat swatting *props to LJ* Bonnie biotch, but I can't...the woman was pretty, built like she was married to Dr. 90210 and was actually smart... I actually asked her if she was a puker..such class I have.....I will leave names out of this but my friend *Jezzelbellea and I decided that B must be sporting a meat cleaver down below..that has to be her fault..LMAO Why in the world do women find something wrong with other women, when it's the actual guy that is doing the selection of first choice? We are truly designed different than men....Who do I contact to get this flaw corrected?

Anyway, I am going to think some shit through and get back to blogging on a daily basis..My A.D.D. is in overdrive right now and things are making sense...which completely throws me off...clarity is not always a good thing.

**Actual names not used

Can you get credit for doing hail Mary's in advance? I wonder if I can take a full day, and just bank in on some good ole forgiveness...LOL, wait a damn minute, I am not Catholic....

I started off today with a fairly decent attitude..actually spent time curling my hair the old fashion way....and I guess I didn't get the memo about the rain... I love an Afro..obviously.

Oh and a big congrats goes out to someone I know who I will leave anonymous...you did it buddy..Nothing wrong with morals and the faith you had for what you originally believed in..You are a true hero and it gives hope to us out there who seem to be lost in the single fishbowl..

To someone else out there that will not read this, ever...WTF dude? Seriously?!?

To my roommate, I love you LUNDEE and putting up with me is a daily task...I realize this, and I appreciate you more than you know...

EWWWW Baby - Baby it's a Wild World....

What a great weekend out of Texas, for a day at least.

You know you are a real music fan if you are able to stand in the center of over processed college kids, drunk douchebag guys (I swear half the crowd was on ecstasy) sipping on a perfume tasting drink..and still manage to dance to the beat of some good ole Texas country music....I think I am going to learn to play the fiddle, it sure looks like fun..and to the guy with brusies on his arm, I am not sorry...and for the dumb blonde I scared half to death, your welcome...that I didn't punch you in the eye..sometime a "fuck off" isn't so bad sista', it could have been worse...Good grief Lindy, what do you think I would have done if she had actually knocked you or Cin down?

Thanks to the "indy" sisters for such a good time...we made it back alive (thanks for trusting me with your wife, Bryce..told you I wouldn't break her!) and without going to jail...Doesn't that kind of say something about life, when you are thankful you make it home alive or at all? GEEZ!

Eleven days to go until the big three-ohhhhhh...and I am excited for the future and I am more than happy to leave my 20's behind...What a decade of learning lessons and clarity...I think the t-shirt, been there - done that applies...it's good, it's bad, and it has lead me to where I am now. It's that mixture of experience of good and bad that grounds you..I am humble.

Milli Vanilli and Boob Jobs................

Ok, here is the deal....I know I am breaking blog rules by not doing a daily post, but it seems lately that the only thing interesting that has happened in my life...has been drama..yes, the dreaded word, I said it.

I was on my way to work this morning and was listening to a mixed "tape" or cd and a compiliation of Milli Vanilli came on..."Blame it on the Rain.." ohh yea, I was jamming out, windows down and all..getting dirty looks from the cars next to me...and I started thinking..Poor Milli Vanilli was so freaking cool until it came out that their music was, um.."fake"...No butthole...it was not fake, someone actually sang the song....Mr. Milli and his brotha Vanilli were the reflection of the artist..so what they lied...and that brings me to the whole boob job discussion that I seem to have on a daily basis...are those yours?...are they real?....how much did that cost ya?....COME ON PEOPLE GIVE ME A FREAKING BREAK...If they EXIST, they are real....I still love Milli Vanilli, and no I am not going to show you.

Yes, I realize that this is a bizarre post, but seriously..

Hey you with that big ass sledge hammer, can you stop that?!

I am on a roll today..

I am sitting at my office desk enjoying the view of the beautiful day..through a window....and from out of the blue, I hear the most obnoxious noise from the office suite beside mine...

Now, I know because of the lease/contract we have with this craptastic building owner that construction or whatever is to be done AFTER business hours..I close my eyes and count to about 55...and take a big sigh..and then the sound of a sledge hammer and drill begin...I will have to admit that I glanced over at my xanax bottle for a second and then said, "F-U Bucko" and I marched my heels over to the suite to see what in the hell is going on over there...

I walk in the door to find two long, blonde hair Fabiou impersonators working away... First of all, stop looking at me like you just took my clothes off, ass..I ask, "What exactly is going on over here and how long is this going to continue.." Faubio #1 puts his hand on the wall like he is about to smooze me and says, "The rest of the day, BABY." Not a good time, Faub, to be hitting on me...I said, that is fine, I will pack my shit up and work from the house...Faub #2 says, "Do what makes you feel good, BABY". Are you freaking kidding me?!?

Obviously I called building management and told them that the Faubio Perverts need to calm the hell down...to only be told that the douchebags are the building owners brother....great...I hope she wasn't offended at what I had to say before I knew this important information...whoops..ah who cares, it's in the contract regardless whose brother you are...SHUT THE HELL UP OVER THERE~

Oh hell, I almost forgot...HAT GUY

I went to Hanks Friday night to see some band...that I really didn't care for, I was too busy slamming Crown..and listening to Stacy giggle in my ear..lol

So a guy was at my table sitting there (I was told he is a regular) and he looked so familiar..I didn't figure out who he was until yesterday...IT was HAT GUY! This poor guy had his cowboy hat ripped off his head a million times one night last August so we could use it as a picture prop...hahaha I am so glad he didn't recongnize me..I think I may have made an ass out of myself that night LOL PICTURES? Sure!

I can't believe I have not released my thoughts into the wild since last Tuesday..this may take a while...Nothing really exciting going on..what has my life come to?!? I think I am suffering a typical life personally, professionally and honestly....gross..I don't see how you people deal with everyday boring life...ugg.

The last week of my not so important life has been pretty stressful...and I am going to not be so emotionally slutty on you people...but guys suck, and women are just as bad..if not worse..

I got to thinking about relationships...and decided..there are those that open you up to something new and exotic, those that are old and familiar, those that bring up lots of questions, those that bring you somewhere unexpected, those that bring you far from where you started, and those that bring you back. But the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with YOURSELF. And if you can find someone to love the you you love, hold tight and breathe it it....don't let them go..

Back slowly away from the bottle, Bucko!

Let's take it back a few days....the weekend was great, we went to see J Coop at Hank's and drank probably a little too much, but it was good times all the way around. I think I laughed and smiled more this weekend, which is a great feeling....I would love to go into detail, but due to some friends of mine being on the "down low" I must keep things on the hush....yea, me with a secret..yikes...

SO....My roommate Lindy was making her "Monday" cupcakes (lol, hidden meaning) last night for the American Idol watching party she is hosting for our friend Flan (aka Andrea) and said, "I want to sleep with my windows open tonight, but I am scared of the creepers and what Tamara told us about seeing ghosts and crap." Tamara's words of wisdom were, "If you think you see something, you do, it wants to be seen". Yikes, thanks for the pep talk T-Frye. So Lin goes to bed and raises her little window, I am sure with pure hesitation...At 1:00 a.m. I hear a banging noise but really didn't think much of it, we had a crack head that lived upstairs for a while and we were use to weird, loud noises...then my phone rang and it was my neighbor, Sarah crying..She said, look out your peep hole, can you see the cops and a guy? I look out and I see two cops a guy on the ground and a pair of crutches...Apparently drunk creeper guy was banging and kicking Sarah's door for 10 minutes, saying, "Let me in you fucking Bitch, open the fucking door..."

Here is where it gets creepy, as I watch out the peep hole and try to keep Sarah calm, I notice homeboy didn't have his pants on all the way...and I couldn't really get a good look out of the peep hole..The cops finally escort him on his crutches to the curb where he proceed to call his people to figure out where he was...but said he lived in our apartments..umm.....dude, how much did you have to drink? I opened my door and Sarah ran in shaking...she had her knife about to stab the guy before the cops got to him.. The guy yelled, kicked (which how I don't know, just wait) cursed and banged on the doors, windows of Sarah's apt for like 10 minutes..We watched on my porch as the cops tried to get out of him why he was at her door and what he had been doing..He looked about 20 years old..

This is the not so funny but strangely comical part of the situation..We come across some creepers a lot of the time..but as the cops helped the drunken crazy guy get up to his crutches...homeboys pants fell down and he ain't got no leg....WTF?!? How in the hell was he kicking the door? Oh Sarah, only you would have the Amputee Creeper show up...at least you can out run him....

Come to find out, creep boy was at my building #38 and actually lives in #37 and apparently he thought Sarah was his woman "Angela" that wouldn't let him into the door...hence the reason he raised so much hell for so long..WHY THE COPS LET HIM GO HOME AND NOT TAKE HIM TO JAIL, I DON'T KNOW...MAYBE AMPUTEE'S HAVE SOME KIND OF PULL WITH MCKINNEY P.D. (WHO IN THE HELL WERE THOSE HOT COPS SARAH?) LOL

I wanted to wake up Lindy and tell her what had happened, but she would have freaked, so I waited till this morning....I think maybe she has some kind of premonition or some shit, who knew that she would hesitate opening her windows and a creeper really show up that same night? Dang! Needless to say we are all safe and sound, but you know Sarah will be at the apt office tomorrow getting that punk ass evicted! Oh and way to go Bubba Moose in Allen..Have you ever heard of "over service"? Gotta love a gated communtiy also...Good to know you can raise hell and crutch back to your apartment and avoid going to jail because you are missing a limb. I am just saying, sad but true. Lindy, I will always keep the door locked from now on...yikes~

Jump on the band wagon...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_cSZMK2Vt3k

Okay, today is Friday and I am looking forward to a great weekend after being sick and a stressful series of Monday's..

I am starting to think that as I approach 30, my attitude is changing and I am becoming more relaxed..With that said, I still think that if they can make a patch to help you quit smoking, prevent pregnancy and minimize pain....can't an intelligent patch be created for stupid people? I am thinking of a little white cloth square you would wear on your arm, ass, face...whatever with a little beaming light bulb on it....I don't know, just an idea...either that or all of us who can smell and idiot a mile away should be prescribed a pain patch by default for just having to deal with day to day dumbshits..

I may have found my new calling...I am going to become a driver's training instructor..Lord knows, I am the best driver and I should share my skills.

Intelligence Patch..seriously...It's coming people...

Screw ya Bucko, it's Friday and someone is warming my heart

Um...A little much...

Maybe I am a little single white female sensitive, but is it not strange (even for me) that a woman at Starbucks comes up to me and says, "looking good lady"? She walked away, and I turned around assuming I knew this person...and not a clue. I need to stop wearing men's colonge..I bet that is what it is. Dang it.

God said let there be light...

Okay, so people, here it is....My very first blog. I have been told to become part of the "blogger nation," but feared my life and my legal record..haha. The thoughts that run through my head, and my daily experiences are not normal. I wouldn't change it, as being a weirdo, or whatever you call it makes me who I am..and I find myself pretty dang funny..I really don't have something interesting to say today, I was going to blog about the frog that showed back up to our front door..but I was told I can't steal my roommates blog content..so please strike that comment from the record, you didn't hear it from me.

I am starting to think that the whole bottle of wine last night and the fact that I called someone who may be very special to me ignorant and trying to justify the description as a compliment...was a bad idea and had blog blocked my thoughts. Am I the only one who is put on the spot and is like a deer in the head lights? I feel like a virgin for some reason.

I am going to end this post right now, my dear roomate is singing "Electric Youth" by Debbie Gibson in my ear and I can't seem to get off the thought of a friend putting a dog turd in a plastic Easter egg..disturbing but freaking hilarious..I wonder what the toothfairy brings if the bunny drops a turd?!?

So, screw you Bucko, is awarded to McAfee Antivirus today. Tomorrow is a brand new day.